Jobs & Kids

Grandma said "I guess some people have their lives set up and want to do well for their kids and some people want to go on and have kids and make the kids struggle along with them."

I read that on another blog (my friend's sister-in-law). It's what her grandmother said when she told her they were trying to get pregnant. I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately. I think Nick and I have moved into the kids realm a whole lot faster than we thought we would. We still talk about waiting the 3 years and realistically that's the good practical plan. And honestly we're not mature enough for kids. I enjoy my vacations too much, and spending money on myself, and things that I think I should be able to enjoy right now. But anyway, Nick asks a lot how long I think we'll wait, so I'm thinking the 3 years might not last with him either.

We were in Financial Peace last night and one girl in there (who has only been married 3 weeks) said she wishes she could just get pregnant so she could quit working and stay at home. So do I. Which is so weird coming from me. But my dissatisfaction with my job is at an all-time high and I am really just miserable here. But quitting to have a child would be doubly stupid. I could quit until I find something, and just lose a little income temporarily, or I could quit and have a kid, and not only lose income, but have even more going out. So I don't think that's a logical solution to the problem. And I'm definitely not getting pregnant right now, because a portion of my Hawaii trip is nonrefundable and I'm not missing it. It's a very big thing to think about, having a child. It's not just worrying about being able to financially support ourselves, we have to be able to support a child for 18 years, plus college, and a wedding (or rehearsal dinner!) and who knows what else. And I don't just want to provide for my kids, I want to be good to them.

Why I'm going on and on about this, I don't know. I'm not having kids. I just want to find a new job. And quit this one. Is it bad that I fantasize about turning my letter of resignation? Will I always hate my job? I hope not. But I do love paychecks.