Struggles

So, I am still struggling with work. It goes in waves. Sometimes it's ok and others not so much. But I've pretty much had it, and it's gotten to the point where it's started to affect my self-esteem. I feel like my education was a complete waste, and it wasn't exactly cheap. It was just Western, so it wasn't Ivy League or anything. But it added up, and there's a lot Nick and I could have done if we had not had to pay it off. And I'm obviously not using it now. Really I feel like all I'm being used for now is to pay my boss' personal bills. Which I had to do again yesterday. Which made me late to a doctor's appt. And he didn't give me enough money, so I had to take money out of our grocery envelope to pay to overnight a bill so it wouldn't be late. All around, it's just not a good place for me to be anymore. Today (and this is not unusual) instead of just handing me something to type, he threw it at me. I had a librarian who did that in elementary school. I still have issues with her. And having paper thrown at me. I've thought that maybe God was using the situation to test my patience, make me a better person, or maybe there was a better opportunity about to open up and I needed to wait. But I always end up coming back to this. I love my job and where I work and almost everyone I work with, I have great benefits...but if I go home stressed out more often than not and I know that I will never get a raise no matter how hard I work, what's the point? I have been praying about it, so that's really all I can do. Well that and keep looking for other jobs.